Chris’s tips on how to have the perfect relationship

(1) Find a partner who can make you laugh.
(2) Find a partner who you can trust, one who doesn’t lie to you.
(3) Find a partner who can be relied upon to pull their weight in domestic matters, one who helps with the washing up and the cleaning, one who likes to cook a meal.
(4) Find a partner who takes pleasure in your company (and vice versa) and with whom you are compatible in the bedroom.
(5) Never, never allow these four people to meet.


17 thoughts on “Chris’s tips on how to have the perfect relationship

  1. Hello dear.

    I wonder why you are commenting anonymously when the tone of love makes you so very recognisable!

  2. I like the idea but definitely 4 people would be very hard to manage – 1 is bad enough! 😉

  3. *sniggers* finding one is difficult enough, why on earth would i want four times the headache?…

  4. This seems like quite a common response.

    Am I unusual in my endless capacity to attract the opposite sex?!

    Seriously, the expression “beating them away with a stick” is no exaggeration!

  5. Well be nice and send some over to Rob then, Chris! Honestly, that doesn’t take a genius to work out! I’m assuming that the reason I haven’t seen you in ages is because you are too busy beating?

  6. Beating what? Welshy, I cannot believe your pure mind could even think that. I’m shocked and horrified at you.

  7. Beating girls away with a stick…
    I don’t understand what I’ve done!
    *Welshy goes off to hang head in shame and try not to contemplate what Molly might have meant*

  8. Somebody had to, poor Welshy was the victim. Sorry Welshy, it is I who should hang my head in shame!

  9. I still don’t get it!
    And Chris, why can you blog but not reply to my emails?! Not that I am displaying my stalker-like tendencies again, of course…

  10. I have just texted you, you stalker.

    And Molly is talking about masturbation/self abuse/wanking/whatever you like to call it!

  11. “Vile”, as le Tart would say. Why did you have to tell me that?!
    Oh, and do people really call it ‘self abuse’? Is that not something else? (I don’t actually want you to reply to this).

  12. There is nothing wrong with a healthy bit of masturbation, you know.

    Everyone does it! Well, maybe not everyone, of course, but I think they estimate it at about 90%. The rates are higher for teenage boys and lower for the under 9s.

    Although actually that is not quite true, but I feel this is not the place to discuss these things.

    And yes, it can be called self abuse. Although mainly by Catholic priests. I assume the implication is that it is better to be abused by them.

    Quite how this topic has got onto this I am not sure. I blame… Molly.

    You are bad!

  13. They call it spanking the monkey over here, and I did not go into great detail like you did. Poor Welshy, I am sorry, I am bad, Chris is right. Bad bad bad *points finger at herself and wags it*

Comments are closed.