Bathroom trauma

Yes, yes, it violates my fifth rule of blogging, but I just have to have a brief moan about my housemate. In fact, let’s be honest; he isn’t exactly my housemate as he owns the house and I pay him rent. So that is why in the following exchange (with my “landlord”) I am entirely powerless…

Him: “I found us a new bathroom carpet.”
Me: [pause to consider the word “found” and find it inferior in every way to the word “bought”.] “Um, right. I thought that the next thing you were doing was paying the council tax?”
Him: “Yes but it’s blue. We’ll have a great time fitting it.”
Me: “Wait a second! Don’t ‘we’ me into this! I am very busy this evening!”
Him: “We’ll have a great time!”
Me: [sigh] “Here we go again.”


Me: “Oh right, I see you have taken the old carpet up then. Good job. What’s next?”
Him: “Can you look up how to lay a carpet on Google?”
Me: [laugh]
Him: “No, really.”
Me: [nervous laugh, voice slightly manic] “Please tell me you haven’t ripped our carpet out with no idea as to how to replace it?!!?”
Him: “How difficult can it be?”

Me on the internet:

Me: “Google says you need a power stretcher and a knee kicker. Do we have those in the shed?”
Him: “I have a stanley knife and a piece of blue carpet. You are just trying to overcomplicate things, Chris.”
Me: “Can we not just get a man in?”

Later still:

Him: “Ha, yes, well I thought that might happen. Look, don’t panic, but I’m just going to have to take off the door. Can you come and hold it?”
Me: “But I like the door where it is!”

Another gap to prevent things getting too tedious:

Him: “Do we really need carpet? I mean the floorboards are quite nice, aren’t they?”
Me: “They are horrid, as you well know. It is too late now, you will have to put the carpet down. I hope this is going to teach you not to be so spontaneous in future?”

Him: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes. Carpet. And a door.”

So that is why my (rented) bathroom has no door.

And I really need the toilet!


9 thoughts on “Bathroom trauma

  1. No door on the toilet? Does your housemate not realise the importance of this?? Terrible! If I lived closer you could use my loo but somehow I just don’t think you would make it in time.

  2. You can come round to mine to use the loo. It is very clean; my housemate reluctantly agreed to put bleach down it the other evening when she was cleaning the bathroom but had to ask me how this is done.
    Why are your exchanges with your landlord amusing whilst mine with my landlady, effectively, are just plain harrowing?!

  3. You had best be actually laughing out loud or you are in serious trouble, Mr L3375p33K!

    See previous post!

  4. Oooh, now you’re all making me scared about moving in with someone! I’ve been a carefree backpacker for such a long time that I’ve almost forgotten what housesharing is like! Thankfully, the other half is not the landlord so when things break we can both go and complain (or, as is more likely, I’ll send him to be scary at them).

  5. Oh dear! That’s rather funny and horrid for you! I didnt have a bedroom door for 9 months as the door had to come off to fit a carpet and it wouldn’t go back on again. It was tres annoying! But a loo is worse than a bedroom!

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