We had a bit of an incident on our drive back from Scotland… Apparently it has to be known as THE CHOCOLATE INCIDENT. It is all in capitals to emphasise how serious it is.

Juliet: “Shall we have some more chocolate?”
Me: “There’s not a huge amount left actually.”
Juliet: “But I’ve only had a few pieces!”
Me: [pause] “Um… but it is split into lines of three. So, every time you have had a piece, I have had to have two.”
Juliet: [raised voice] “You have had twice as much chocolate as me?!”
Me: “No!” [pause] “I… may have had a few extra bits as well…”
Juliet: [silence for 30 minutes]

I think it is fairly safe to say it will take some fairly hefty present buying to get me out of this one.



  1. Never come between a girl and her chocolate! Have you not realised that by now?

    I think you need to buy an expensive present and chocolate for Juliet to make up for what you ate.

    Hopefully the trip to Scotland was nicer than the drive back!

  2. Yup, this will call for chocolate (of the expensive kind), flowers and very possibly jewellery…
    I hope you will learn a valuable lesson from this.
    But thanks for the pre-James Bond movie warning; *mentally notes “do not sharee chocolate with Chris”…

  3. You’re lucky she didn’t kick you out there and then! And you’ll note I didn’t say “stop the car and kick…”

  4. I think you are all dreadfully sexist!

    I like chocolate too!

    You know, you girls (Stephen you are exempted here of course, even though you were wearing a skirt at the weekend…!) have a lot of assumptions working in your favour! Honestly, we have to tiptoe around you where chocolate is concerned, allow you to lust over random male celebrities, and generally assume that if you are wild and irrational this is because of some hormonal thing (correct response: buy present) and not just you being… well… wild and irrational.

    I give up!

  5. Remember the words Al quoted from Oscar Wilde this weekend: “Women are meant to be loved, not understood.”

    Plus, you did admit to eating twice as much chocolate as Juliet, and sneaking a few extra pieces, so it’s not as if she’s being entirely wild and irrational.

    And as for the skirt thing, you’re clearly just jealous that I wore it and looked good doing so.

  6. Yeah, and you weren’t exactly tip-toeing around when you ate her share of the chocolate were you?!

  7. The chocolate was very nice, let us not get sidetracked with these other, less important things!

    You are quite close to the mark with the kilt thing. Yes, I am indeed slightly jealous. My new hobby is finding a Scottish connection in my family history so that I can wear one at the next wedding…

  8. Yes, Juliet does have the right to be annoyed – (and she didn’t talk to you, that’s MUCH nicer than umpteen things I am sure lots of other peoplee might have done, you are very lucky!) it’s mean to have only given her one square when you had two. You should have had a row (as in a line, not a tiff) each, every time you had some. Why not buy her a chocolate fountain, then you can both enjoy it!

  9. Ha ha, see Chris. NOBODY is on your side. Everybody thinks you are a bad person. And we haven’t even told them about how you threw sweets all over my car yet!

    I’m looking forward to my chocolate apologies!

    And by the way, your knees are a bit nobbly for a kilt!

  10. I think it is fair to say that no-one was ever going to be on my side on this one.

    The throwing soor plooms over your car was definitely your fault though!

  11. I can’t believe you even thought anyone would be on your side! Like I said, never, never come between a woman and her chocolate.

  12. Oh dear oh dear oh dear…

    I actually think that you should be lucky the silence only lasted for 30 minutes.

    Hefty present buying is definitely in order. Possibly of the favourite chocolate kind.


  13. I was just re-reading this, as I am linking to it from a new post…

    … Stephen, I would like to humbly point out that Oscar Wilde probably isn’t the best person for advice on women!

    Not sure how I missed this at the time!

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