My famous Tequila Christmas Cake

As requested by many, here is the recipe for the legendary Tequila Christmas Cake:

1 cup water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
lemon juice
1 bottle tequila

[1] Sample the tequila to check quality. (I have already ampled mine, checking is very important.)
[2] Take a large bowl, check the tequila again.
[3] To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
[4] Repeat.
[5] Turn on the electric mixer.
[6] Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
[7] Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
[8] At this point its best to make sure the tequila is still okay.
[9] Try another cup. Just. In. Case.
[10] Turn off the mixerer thingy.
[11] Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
[12] Pick the fucking fruit up off the fucking floor.
[13] Mix on the turner.
[14] If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
[15] Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
[16] Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
[17] Check the tequila.
[18] Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
[19] Add one table.
[20] Add a spoon of sugar, or some… whatever you can find.
[21] Greash the oven.
[22] Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
[23] Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
[24] Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Mistmas, everybody.


7 thoughts on “My famous Tequila Christmas Cake

  1. lol, hadn’t heard that one before.
    ’tis a cheery piece.

    thanks for the poem about carol 🙂
    do you mind if it goes on my web site at some point in the future?

    actually, i’m more impressed with it now, having seen your profession on your profile…

  2. CW, ur hardly one to talk about lateness… still haven’t forgiven you for that ‘6 egg, no sugar, two weeks late’ Abomination of an orange cake Mr Wales, so i think you could do with the practise! Of course i would have been good at this Chris, my chocolate cake is rapidly reaching leg-end-ary status! I’ll definatley give this a try, probably with the JD though, don’t think my head ever properly recovered from that Tequila you made me down the night before I went to Germany!

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