In the style of

I very rarely write about my daily life on this blog. I think if I actually used the irritating new labels system (which, for the record, I can never use as it was not operational when I started, and it would be too much work to go back to the start and add labels) they would mainly be things like “ranting: trains”, “ranting: buses”, “public transport and its downsides”, “spelling mistakes made by people who should no better”, “attempting to be controversial after a bored spell”, etc.

Other bloggers use their blogs to tell people about the shops they have visited/the TV they have watched that day so I thought I would give it a go.

I might try a meme or set up a retarded blog for a pet next. Hey, no, wait: I’m going to set up a blog for my housemate, but I am going to update it for him and not tell him about it until he really pisses me off! It will say things like “I ripped up the carpet and took the door off the toilet and then I stood in Chris’s doorway and laughed.”

Anyway, if, as I suspect, some of you use this blog as a kind of rudimentary self help package, you may wish to skip this – your time would be better spent reading up on my thoughts and philosophies.

12 March 2007 (in no particular order)

1. I met Welshy for coffee. She has a new coat. I was on time! She had a grim, joyless, “skinny” something, and my caffeine-riddled concoction had whipped cream and caramel dolloped liberally over it.
2. I realised that I owned no Bob Dylan albums, and so immediately bought Nashville Skyline and The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan. Apparently Bob is one of HMV Derby’s top sellers today.
3. I watched a group of three children hurling themselves at the barrier at the railway station trying to get to Hogwarts. I resisted the temptation to join them.
4. I missed the 14a bus in Leicester (a city I am wholly unfamiliar with) as I was in the process of asking the 14 (crucially no “a”) which bus I needed, and it drove past the stop. Instead of saying “unlucky mate” and laughing, the nice bus driver of the 14 told me to climb aboard and we raced the other bus to the bus station down the road. I was then able to jump onto the correct bus (just). If you are in Leicester then say hello to the nice man from me; you will recognise him as he works for First, not Arriva, has a turban, and is called Sam.
5. I had my personal space repeatedly invaded by an old lady. What is the most politically correct way to shout at an octogenarian in the street? Can one use the word “fucking”, or is this not allowed?
6. I spent 20 minutes meditating in a waiting room (again at the station) – it was very relaxing.
7. I saw the following sign in a hospital foyer:

BANNING SMOKING IN PUBLIC PLACES REMAINS THE SINGLE GREATEST REFORM THIS OR ANY GOVERNMENT CAN INTRODUCE TO IMPROVE THE NATIONS (sic) HEALTH.
“THE FREEDOM OF AN INDIVIDUAL TO AVOID CANCER CAUSING FUMES DESERVES TO TRIUMPH OVER THE SUPPOSED RIGHTS OF A TOBACCO ADDICT.” (my emphasis)

which is a fairly strong sentiment. The second bit is in quotation marks so I am assuming it has been said by someone relatively important. Of course we are dealing with someone who cannot use an apostrophe and who feels the need to write in capitals, so I could be wrong.
8. I sent someone a birthday card. It cost me a million pounds.
9. I didn’t go to work. Hooray!
10. I blogged. I was unnecessarily rude about pet blogs for which I apologise. I can’t decide whether I am apologising because some of them are very worthy and well-written or because I am scared Lenman will scratch my face off. I think it is both.

Coming soon: having my yearly bath and making Juliet’s anniversary card (our anniversary was last week).

See you soon.

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9 thoughts on “In the style of

  1. Ooh, a birthday you say? How exciting! I bet that person who is going to receive that birthday card will be very happy indeed! How lucky this person must be to receive birthday cards from far and wide. You must be in love with this person, no?

  2. You really do live in Egypt don’t you, right by Denial? It’s Juliet I feel sorry for.

  3. Well who wouldn’t, reading these pages?!

    Yes, ok, it is you. Now you have ruined the surprise. I am thinking of ringing the post office and recalling it.

    And it is just a card, not lingerie or anything, so Juliet is safe for a while yet!

  4. THIS WAS ONE OF YOU’RE BETTER BLOG ENTRYS THIS WK. I PARTICLARLI LIKED THE “NO BETTER” COMMENT. IT WAS FUNNI.

    ‘K. BYE!

  5. Erm, you are sending underwear to Molly? This does not seem very worthy dear, I am a little cross. I do not think you should have your yearly bath as your bathroom is not clean. I’m looking forward to my own card, although a little angry that you are blogging whenh you should be booking a flight…

  6. I got a mention! Wow! I did not, however, get a million pounds spent on me (it really was that much, Moll – you will laugh so heartily!) about which I am upset.
    What does ‘sic’ mean? I mean, I know what it means, but what does it really mean, because I almost shocked myself by trying to figure it out… (my idea was “stupid illiterate c…”)
    My skinny latte was not joyless at all, but being a ‘skinny’ I have to request only one shot of coffee and the whole process (“grande skinny latte with one shot”) takes so much longer than a simple “caramellatte” which is a bit depressing and almost makes me not want to continue losing weight at all…

  7. I have delayed commenting on this one for a while as I have been recovering from the shock that Welshy even knows that word. Nice justification for your crap coffee though.

    “Sic” is Latin (of course!) for “thus” or “so” – backronyms (a word I hate, but hey) like “same in copy”, “spelt incorrectly”, “said in context”, “sans intent comique” (my fave), or indeed “stupid illiterate cunt” are just that. Sad really, it has almost no meaning.

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