Game, set, idiot

Me: “Wimbledon. You do know where that is, don’t you?”
Juliet: “Er… no.”
Me: “How can you not know where Wimbledon is?!”
Juliet: “Oh yes, they play cricket there.”
Me: “Can we please have a conversation where I don’t feel compelled to embarrass you on my blog?”
Juliet: “Tennis! I meant tennis!”

If you think you have what it takes to replace Juliet as my girlfriend then please send a short CV and accompanying passport-sized photo to the e-mail address on the right. A covering letter is acceptable if you wish to draw my attention to anything of special interest, e.g. your charity work, Miss World appearances, unusual flexibility, etc.

Hmph, I’m kidding; I still love her really. Now all I have to do is teach her about… stuff.

Oh yes, and make her watch The Lord of the Rings, mwahahahaha!


27 thoughts on “Game, set, idiot

  1. “Can we please have a conversation where I don’t feel compelled to embarrass you on my blog?”


    I do the same thing to my family/friends/etc.

    Thanks for the laugh :).

    And sorry about the mistake with your name. Talk about feeling like a douchebag… Guess I should have read your, uh, sidebar perhaps – instead of just the entries? Anyway, it’s fixed now and at least the link is in place so I can find my way back! You’re a funny guy.

    Have a great day! 🙂

  2. That’s okay, I figured you didn’t link to the author, just to the person with the biggest word count.*

    And now I will stop with my digs at Stephen, as he will think I do not value his opinion, and I do.

    And yes, you are right… it is the “I am Chris” bit that gives it away!

    * For anyone needing clarity, Amber had linked to me as “Stephen”.

  3. I am clearly not qualified to replace Juliet because, although I know Wimbledon is associated with tennis, I’m not sure I knew it was actually a place. I’m kind of confused if that’s the name of the arena or the town.
    So Juliet shouldn’t feel bad at all… except for, you know, the fact that she’s dating Chris.
    (Just kidding, Chris. SJ would be very mad at me if she found out I scared you away from our blog. So, um, again, just kidding. And again, still slightly confused about Wimbledon.”

  4. Yes but Kat, Juliet is FROM England, the very home of Wimbledon, and it is as British as they come, so she should have known about the tennis and I am just appalled that you didn’t Juliet! Good grief woman!

    Now I shall refrain from telling Juliet that Chris has already replaced her with me, after all, I wouldn’t want to upset the poor lass!

    Just joking Juliet! Chris is not 6’0 or more (height people!) so I have absolutely no interest in him anymore, worry not! (were you ever?!)

  5. Oh poor Juliet.

    But she must be smart to be dating you (see, that was sucking up right there) so maybe just having a moment?

    (I forgot the word network today. I manage networks at work so it was slightly awkward)

  6. Molly, you’re aware, I assume, that by setting the threshold at 6 feet, you are severely limiting your options? See, I’m exactly 6 feet tall, and I find I tower over just about everyone.

    Even in the States, where people are slightly taller on average, only 11.7% of the male populace is 6 feet tall or taller. (Yes, I checked.)

  7. Why would you check that? That’s madness, I tells ya! Or you have too much time on your hands.

    Any guesses what a frzzjbjp is?

  8. Curiousity. It killed the cat, you know!

    And isn’t “frzzjbjp” the noise you make when you get your genitalia trapped in something? It might even be in the dictionary, if you’re reading in the nude and close the book too fast.

  9. Hee hee hee, you made me laugh (I am easily pleased at the moment- my life is just one long wheeze!)

    In my defence;

    1) Chris confused me. He had just mentioned Twickenham and I’m pretty sure that’s cricket (fingers crossed I’m right else I’ll look like an idiot again)
    2) I realised my mistake immediately
    3) Most of you don’t know about Wimbledon
    4) It is very unfair of him to quote such things on the internet
    5) Erm…

    OK, well, Chris pack in making me look like an idiot on here!

    6) I AM ILL!

  10. Yes Chris (she says switching sides!), Juliet is ill! And you didn’t put all the facts about confusing her with Twickenham!

    Stephen, maybe this is why I am not dating?! Actually, the only short guy I would consider is Seth Green but he makes up for it because he is so funny. Other than that, I like ’em tall!

  11. Juliet…PHEW!! As long as you were just temporarily confused and did actually know what Wimbledon is. There cannot be a British person who doesn’t know about Wimbledon, can there?

  12. Oh, and by the way:

    Lucy, flattery will get you everywhere. Well done.

    Stephen, it is my observation that all men are 6′ tall. Irrespective of their height. If you ask a man (particularly if he is between about 16 and 20) what height he is, he might be a 5’7″ six footer or a 5’10” six footer, but he’ll always be 6′.

    We are strange sometimes aren’y we? But at least we don’t make up colours.

    Cap’n Ric, that’s easy for you to say.

    Molly, Seth Green?! [shakes head] He is shorter that Tom Cruise isn’t he?! (But less mental.)

    And Emma, yes don’t worry, she has heard of Wimbledon.

    Clearly neither you or Molly have heard of Twickenham though, which I find highly disappointing!

  13. Chris…with all this talk of tennis balls and rugby balls I can only imagine your balls are still giving you trouble. I am earnestly cogitating on your private troubles and will post an answer just as soon as I am out of blogger rehab (see my blog for further info).

  14. But isn’t Wimbledon where the Wombles are? Surely Juliet would know that?

    Besides, the only good tennis is played in Eastbourne. (PAHAHAHAHA)

    And you’ve been formally tagged now too.

    I’ll now go have a pleasant daydream about Seth Green. I’m 5’3″ so he ain’t short to me!

  15. Chris, you know my feelings about Seth Green, he is short but deliciously cute. And at least I could put him in my pocket.

    Actonb, you need to stay away from my Seth! He is so short, he is only 5’4″ so he is only an inch taller than you! But stay away from him! I am 5’2″ so he would choose me as he can look down a little further!

  16. molly – I’ll fight you for him!

    But I must warn you that I grew up fighting a boy who’s now in the SAS…

  17. No, Stephen, that definately has an x in it.

    Of course it’s easy for me to say Chris. I’m fairly well accustomed to using the English language.

    It was brilliant the way Juliet (aah!) almost got away with the Twickenham thing.

  18. ActonB, you know I am from Birmingham right? We are known for our scrappy ways! Just ask Chris!

  19. Um. Hello, I’m a big fan of Wimbledon (the tennis thing), and have always thought it was in London. There’s a place actually called ‘Wimbledon’ then?…

    Alrighty! Feel much better Miss Juliet!

  20. I laugh in the face of your Brummie threats Molly. I hail from the general vicinity of Liverpool (If I admit to being born on Wirral it’s not nearly as intimidating) But I grew up in Warrington. Game on!

  21. Oooh ActonB, you are a scouser….must admit, I am a tad scared. Mostly because I can’t understand the language but I hear you are a rough lot up there! But I am willing to fight you for Seth, he’s mine, all mine!!!

  22. I so wish I was from “the varleys” so I could come and throw my tough Welsh fingernails into this cat fight, girlies, but I haven’t got a clue about whom you are speaking!!!! x

  23. hehe, you’re such a good friend to feature that convo on here. i do the same thing on mine.

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