Tread softly, because you tread on my memes

You know, I never do memes. So I thought I’d do one. You know, then you can all feel a bit of what it is like to be me. Which I know is what you secretly want.

The 10 things I hate in other people

1. When they do memes
Everybody knows that Weetabix are horrible. If you live in a country that doesn’t have Weetabix, you just don’t know it yet. Weetabix exist for one purpose and one purpose only: as a medium for getting as much sugar into your mouth as possible. It is well known (to me). They even soak it up. You can get a lot of sugar into yourself using the Weetabix payload system.

In a similar way, Memes are the Blog World’s way of delivering as much boring information that nobody cares about into the minds of the innocent victims readers. This is especially true if there are 348953 questions, or if the word count is such that my mobile phone does not have enough memory to load it up. (I bet this one goes that way now… curses… I have such a lot of hate to give.)

Can you use Weetabix as a plural? Anyway.

2. When they are bad grammar fascists
I like a bit of pedantry. I like a bit of grammar fascism. The only thing I love more than the apostrophe is my beautiful girlfriend (hello dear). My beautiful girlfriend can also use the apostrophe… This is no coincidence.

I also accept that in the grand scheme of things it is not that important… If you are not that concerned by grammar, that is fine with me. Except where I can’t understand what the hell you are on about, of course, but you know… it’s not life or death, is it?

However, grammar fascism and pedantry are becoming a bit trendy at the moment (esp. in Blog World, although I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised given the bunch of misfits we all are) and I cannot emphasise enough how important it is that you get it right if you are going to be all arsey about it! I’m not talking about mistakes – everyone makes mistakes, even me (in fact I’ve probably made about a hundred in this very post) but don’t try to curry favour with me by pretending to be a grammar know-it-all when you can’t tell the difference between less and fewer, or use “from whence” or any number of other atrocities!

Better just to admit that you think writing is okay as long as it flows and makes sense. And doesn’t include the “word” definately.

Now I want to go and check this whole post, but I’m not going to, so I can prove I’m not always anal!

3. When they try hard to be something they are not
Not something that needs a whole lot of expanding on really. (“Hooray!”… “Shut up readers.”) I hate hearing people say things like “At the weekend, yeah, I’m gonna get completely legless, you know, go out boozing, don’t know what I’ll end up doing, yeah, probably sleep in a ditch, yeah, mental, yeah” when I know for a fact they will be watching the Thundercats DVD they just bought and doing macrame, because that is what they actually like doing.

It upsets me when decent people try to impress other (sometimes not that decent!) people. Just be yourself.

I sound a bit new age preachy here don’t I?! But I know loads of people who are a bit like this, even if it is only a bit. Sad really, maybe it is Society’s fault.*

4. When they make honesty a virtue
All right, tongue in cheek here. Obviously lies are (sometimes) bad. What I hate is people who use honesty as an excuse for venting their spite. I don’t want to go into too much detail here or I will end up being too specific, but I guess what I want to say is that honesty is a virtue that lives alongside the other virtues (prudence, tact, not-wanting-to-hurt-another-person’s-feelings-ness (my new word), sympathy, etc) not somehow above them.

I do feel that I need to specify that as an atheist (or as a non-Christian, as I have been described even though I prefer to describe myself as something I am rather than something I am not) I do not have no moral code, and do not regard truth as somehow something I have no access to. Are lies bad? Often they are, and they can be pernicious, but they can be venial too. I have perspective.

5. When they claim not to hate things
Get a backbone! You hate plenty of stuff! “Ooh, ooh, I’m such a nice person… I can’t think of 10 things I hate about people!” Whatever; I came up with a shortlist of 43 things I hated about people and I was just sitting on the bus! Hey look, I have just slapped you on the arse at work, and then winked. Hey look, I am in the queue at the coffee shop and I have just bought the last muffin and you really, really wanted it! Hey look, you’re walking on the pavement and I have just driven past you in my BMW and splashed you and now you have to spend all day in the office soaking wet. Hey, look, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness! Are you sure you can’t think of anything to hate yet?!

Just kidding of course. Well done for being a lovely person!

6. When they can’t take a joke
I like to be funny. I like to think I am funny. Sometimes (often) this means I will take the piss out of people. Sometimes I don’t have to take it, some people give it away. I especially like it when people take it back. Do it now!

7. When they pretend to be offended because they know they can and not because they actually are
I am reminded of when Tony Banks (I think) said that William Hague looked like a foetus. Ah, it was brilliant. When everyone had finished laughing (on both sides of the house) all the Tories got in a big old huff and pretended to be upset, and Banks (I think) had to make an apology. Which of course he did with much sincerity and grace. Why did any of them bother?!

This is a more insidious when it applies to perceived offences relating to race, age, or sexual orientation or gender, all of which are serious problems (or the inequalities thereof are anyway!). Are you really offended because Jade Goody is a racist (to go back to a tried and tested, and less topical, example) or just because she is stupid and has a big gob? Who knows, maybe by suggesting this I am a racist myself?

8. When they are Robert Kilroy Silk
Twat. Twat. Twat.

9. When they have preconceptions of what they will like (and therefore will not try new things)
“Oh I haven’t tried reading Harry Potter, I don’t like fantasy books.” Come on Welshy (sorry, maybe I should have made you anonymous! I don’t actually hate you, honest!) you can’t possibly know whether you would like it or not! Everyone else loves it, maybe you would too!

Or (worse by far) on an occasion where a friend of mine had a dinner party do and had made about 5 curries (all from scratch, and all amazing) as well as a variety of rices, naans, parathis, etc, and my other friend said “well I only really liked the Rogan Josh”. When pressed on which ones he had tried and disliked he answered “well I only really tried the Rogan Josh, I don’t like much else”. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

10. When they think of something good before I do
Yes, yes, I am the bad one here, I know that. But I hate it when someone says something that has a funny response and someone gives it before I get chance to swallow my bite of ham sandwich. Note how I have set the scene so I have an excuse to not be the quick one, so it is not just that someone might have quicker reflexes than me (curse you quick witted people!).

This also applies if you have done this meme, and given an answer I wanted to give!

11. When they don’t like music
You know, I was only supposed to think of 10, but my hate is a bit like a Spinal Tap amp. Most people stop at 10, but I like to have that little bit extra for when I need it. So for number 11 I am hating people who don’t like music. I don’t care if you like classical music, punk, cheesy pop, nasty grungy rock, happy house or thrash metal (I like all of these!), you can even like the bagpipes (gah, Stephen!**) if you must, but if you do not like it at all then you have no soul. And if you have no soul, may I recommend The Eagles.

Anyway, let’s stop hating… Why can’t we all just get along?!

* Yes, yes, Mr Wales… there is no such thing as Society…! [sigh] Ha ha, William Hague looks like a foetus! (Ahem.) Sorry!
** I feel I should point out that Stephen is an excellent piper, even if he disagrees with me on this sometimes. I am hardly qualified to comment on technique, I should point out, but he is pleasant to listen to in a way that a lot of others are not. I nearly found myself accepting the bagpipes as allowable music, and then I heard that busker that stands outside Marks and Spencer again (Welshy you know the one)… BLOODY APPALLING! Sorry.

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20 thoughts on “Tread softly, because you tread on my memes

  1. Is the busker Scottish? Or just pretending?

    I once at a dry weetabix as part of a challenge. I was fastest, but it was awful without the associated sugary joy. It was a strange feeling, like I’d won and lost at the same time.

  2. A Weetabix without sugar is indeed a poor lonely creature, but with milk and six or seven spoonfuls of sugar, it is heaven. It is a bit like Peter Andre and Jordan or you and Juliet…each compliments the other. Very deep thought for you there 😉

  3. Ah but EmmaK – which one of Chruliet is the Weetabix? (tread carefully now!)

    ; )

  4. Well I’m clearly the sugar. I’m not being the crappy brown stuff- that’s clearly him

  5. Well, I was going to read this post but I knew I wasn’t going to like it, or that that it would offend me. But then I remembered that I don’t actually hate anything, so I started to read it after all, and then I noticed that the grammar definately weren’t so good.

    Just wanted to be honest.

  6. 1) But, but…

    While I don’t particularly like Weetabix, I’m not sure I’d say it’s actually horrible. What I do question, though, is the wisdom of using Weetabix as a conduit for the transfer of sugar. Surely the only reason for eating Weetabix is if you’re being healthy, which rather precludes soaking it in sugar?

    2) Definately.

    4) The argument that atheists have no moral code is absurd, and should be treated with all the contempt it is due. What they dont have (clearly) is a God-given moral code.

    (Of course, some atheists in fact do not have a moral code… but that’s their choice, just as some Christians choose to ignore the code they supposedly subscribe to.)

    5) Actually, I’m not sure there are 10 things I actively hate about other people. There’s an awful lot that annoys me, many things that wind me up, but hate? It’s such a strong word.

    7) Jade Goody’s racist actions didn’t offend me, since I wasn’t the target. That she was built up by the media in the first place does offend me, but not hugely. Likewise, the fawning over Shilpa offended me, although in that case it was because it was because every little thing was being remarked on. She has actually got some talent… but the media were doing a really good job of ignoring that.

    11) There is no question that, when played badly, the bagpipes will really suck.

  7. julietbec/southerbelle…since I do not know this duo personally I would not dare to guess who is the dry bran biscuit, who the sugar…I was rather thinking they are a divine co-mingling. What do you say Chris?

  8. PS. I’m very pleased to note that you said you loved me in the post and that I was beautiful (you meant me right?)

    But did the rest of you know that Chris spent nearly two years with a girl who believed that its’ (that’s right, i-t-s-apostrophe) was an acceptable way of writing the possessive form its?

    Not quite sure why I get so much stick after THAT appalling person!

  9. Ric, I have never spoken to him to find out… he does wear one of those plaid skirts though so maybe!

    Sorry about your horrible experience!

    Emma, if you ever compare me and Jules to those two unmentionables again I will come round and sort you out! It should also be noted that we rarely compliment each other… although we do complement each other well! ;o) Mwahahaha!

    Belle, “Chruliet” – hmmmm! No comment!

    Fille Mariée, you should know the fuss I have had trying to find the acute on my keyboard just for you! I am slightly unsure how you knew you wouldn’t like it before you started as the title (as usual) bears little resemblance to the actual post, but your comments are welcome nonetheless.

    If you started it but couldn’t finish, I sympathise… it was a bit on the long side… maybe I should go into Hatred Therapy?

    And I was happy enough with the grammar in context… although I should probably read it through to check… nah, can’t be bothered.

    Stephen, you and Richard are allowed to use definately as I have decided it is some kind of family thing! It should be noted that you had best hope it is carried on the Y chromosome though, as if Juliet starts I will get all riled up again, you know me.

    I was interested in the notion that something is only offensive if it personally affects you though… maybe you could elaborate?

    And Emma (again!) – spot on, young lady. (Or I am the sugar and she is the roughage, either way.)

    Bye bye everyone!

  10. Curiously, I have a number of spelling ‘blind spots’, words that I just cannot spell correctly without a spellchecker. Definitely is one, and manoeuvre another. (Guarantee was a third, but I learned that one, so I guess there is hope.)

    But, never mind that. About the Jade thing:

    Firstly, I’m a really strong proponent of freedom of speech. As a result, I am forced to defend her right to be a racist (if, indeed, she is), and even to express that sentiment if she sees fit.

    Of course, I also reserve the right to tell a person spouting such nonsense that I think they’re both wrong and stupid for holding that view.

    Now, there are some sentiments that I do consider offensive in their own right: the notion that we should exterminate group X because of who or what they are, for example. However, Jade’s comments did not fall into that category.

    So, the question then becomes: should I be offended on behalf of Shilpa (and/or Indian folk in general). And to that, I’m going to say “no”. If Shilpa is offended, then that’s her prerogative, and I’ll support that, but I’m not going to be offended for her.

  11. You didn’t tell me there were two things you hate about me!!!!! I am going to take the rubbish busker for coffee next time – I’m sure he will be my friend!
    And I have tried Happy Rotter; I just tried it in German. Perhaps it doesn’t translate (perhaps I just don’t like fantasy) as well… Lend me a copy (AFTER I qualify) and I will give it a try… How’s that?
    The not hating enough things about people will just have to wait until I have had enough nursing experience to hate every little thing doctors do… Then I’m sure it will run into hundreds!

  12. I felt compelled to leap to the defence of weetabix (though not weetbix which is the strange NZ version…)…I really like them. When I had my jaw wired and could only eat liquidised food, weetabix, orange juice and banana was my main source of…lots of things! (Apologies, I imagine most people feel a little queasy now…)
    Other than that, I misread…I had to go back several times before I established that you hadn’t declared “I have no moral code”! I was looking forward to the ensuing knowing looks in the comments box…;)

  13. Firstly, I love Weetabix, they are wonderful, esp. when you wait until all the milk has soaked into it, spread it into a pie covering the bowl and eat slices of it!

    Secondly, I feel all paranoid now (or is that me thinking that you have read my blog), because I just tagged you to do a meme (Did my first one). Are you being mean about my meme..? *sob* That’s the last time I try anything new

    Thirdly, I loved the comment:
    “be watching the Thundercats DVD they just bought and doing macrame, because that is what they actually like doing.” WHERE did you get that from, made me laugh loads!!!

    Fourthly, I can agree with the ‘not trying things’. There were so many foods that I detested as a child, which, having decided to eat them in my early 20’s I now love. I know people double my age that wont eat things that they don’t like because they didn’t like them when they were 10. Though, that said, I keep trying to eat mushrooms, but I just can’t stomach them!
    Books are a different matter- I have tried reading the boring academic-type teaching text books loads and just can’t take it in Pedagogy blah blah!
    Fourthly, am I competing with Stephen for the longest comment???

  14. Stephen – I have no problem with spelling blindspots, I have a few myself… and I make mistakes where I oughtn’t. I can’t spell mysogethingy* for example, but it doesn’t hugely bother me! I like it when people point it out though! Maybe I am just weird…!

    I thought you would have meant something like that (re: being offended on behalf of others) but wanted to check.

    Broadly speaking, I agree, as I do with most common-sense views, although of course I have more to say on the matter, and lots of specific examples that might modify it slightly… but then so, I suspect, do you.

    Welshy, Welshy, Welshy… read more carefully – there were actually 6 things in there that you do! Hee hee. Just kidding!

    You have (almost) redeemed yourself by writing “Harry Rotter” anyway, even if I suspect it was a typo. I will indeed lend you a copy of the rotter when you are a nurse, who knows whether you will like it or not?! You should be aware, though, that there are members of the Church who have said it is not fantasy, and that the level of detail is such that Rowling must actually have links with witches. To which I say “ahahahahahahahaha” and nothing else.

    Anyway, NEVER approach the busker, or I will disown you immediately!

    Jen and Kezzie – blach! How can you possibly like Weetabix, except in the sense I am advocating (for diabetics on a hypo**) – you make me sick!! Jen, yes you did make me slightly queasy (!) – the notion of OJ mixed with Weetabix is quite vile. But since you had your jaw wired shut then I will forgive you.

    On a side note, how did you go about that? I would really like to get Juliet’s jaw wired shut sometimes… is it easily done? Would I have to get her permission?

    Kezzie, your breakfast sounds… intriguing… I can only assume you have some form of mild OCD!

    Oops, no, although I do read your blog I hadn’t noticed your tag… ha ha (nervous laughter) sorry!

    You must of course persevere with your memes if that is what you think is best! Never listen to anyone else!

    Um, thirdly, I made it up. Like I do all things on here (except the things I steal). Oh good point, well I think I made it up… maybe it got into my subconscious? Do you recognise it?!

    Absolutely re the things I hated as a child that I now love. For me this list includes tea, scrambled egg, tomatoes, chips… the list could go on forever… loads of great food!

    I also had to give up chocolate biscuits in my childhood… maybe I will post about that!

    And as for you competing with Stephen… pfft! Nice try love, but… well, just no!

    * or I suppose I should say misogethingy really!
    ** I should probably put some kind of disclaimer in here really shouldn’t I… oh well here goes: “Diabetics who think they may be hypoglycaemic (bugger there is another one I can’t spell!) should not try to ingest sugar by letting it soak into Weetabix. They would be better off with a banana or something (unless it was really urgent) and should probably take the advice of their healthcare professional (or Welshy) before me. Thank you.”

  15. Happy Rotter, actually. And it started off (‘happy’) as a typo but finished up being very deliberate indeed. (Can something be ‘deliberate indeed’? I suspect it might be like saying ‘quite unique’… Hmmm.)

  16. Nice work Chris. Nice work indeed.

    Stephen plays bagpipes? I’m intrigued … Although I guess it’s not such a random thing when he’s in Scotland.

    And I forgotten about Kilroy until you mentioned him and now I’m not happy at all.

  17. Kezzie, if we were to have a competition for the longest comment, I would suggest perhaps it should be for the longest relevant comment to the most light-weight post possible. In some ways, it’s a shame that Victoria Beckham’s blog seems to have disappeared; oh, the fun we could have with that…

    Actonb, I do indeed play the bagpipes. In fact, I’m off to the Grangemouth Gala Day in just over an hour. Unfortunately, it’s raining quite heavily today.

    What might be quite random is that both my parents are English, and both I and all three of my brothers play, or used to play, the bagpipes.

  18. As a complete tangent, have I ever mentioned that I thought William Hague got a really raw deal?

    The funny thing was, I didn’t like him at all at the time, but immediately after he resigned he started to look and sound really statesmanlike, he’s clearly highly intelligent, a skilled debator on many topics, and so forth.

    Of course, he did lead the Tories to a disastrous defeat… but I’m not sure how much of that was his fault. At the time, the Labour government could still do no wrong (Iraq hadn’t happened, and the Great Betrayal wasn’t yet evident), while the Tories were engaged in bitter and pointless infighting… and of course we all still clearly remembered the fiasco of the Major years.

    So, I don’t think the task he faced was even possible. And, certainly, Iain Duncan Smith did a really good job of making Hague look good.

    Not that that’s in any way relevant.

  19. Where William Hague lost by default, David Cameron will win by default. Politics is a funny old thing, isn’t it?

  20. Oh! Très excellent!

    1. Aren’t blogs the longer extended ramblier version of memes? (not that i am saying that you are rambly, of course, just you know… Um. Ha ha ha ahhhh…Next point.)

    3. What if what they meant was to get legless and watch Thundercats while doing macrame at the same time? Now that’s my kind of ppl! *thumbs up* ‘Thunder, thuunder, thuuunder, THUNDERCATS!’

    5. Ouh, Jehovah’s Witness. It’s their insistence on ‘saving’ you so…insistently. *squints eyes devilishly*

    6. That was a joke by the way. I don’t really hate Jehovah’s Witnesses. Let’s hold hands.

    11. I’ve ‘met’ ppl who say to not really listen to music, but then i am so shocked by their claim and in trying to figure out what they do instead, i forget to notice if they are indeed soulless devils. They are, are they?

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