My turn for a dreadful joke

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

Because he kneaded a poo.

(House move going well… but I have no internet.)

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15 thoughts on “My turn for a dreadful joke

  1. Or my favorite pirate joke (out of the two I know):
    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, “Do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?” And the pirate answers… (wait for it)… “Argh! It’s driving me nuts!”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  2. What sits on your shoulder and says “Pieces of nine! Pieces of nine!”?

    A parrotty error!

    (It’s not a great joke. But it is a pirate joke, and as a software engineer I found it funny. Yes, I am a nerd.)

  3. aw boo, funnygal stole the best joke I had! Here’s a series of the 2nd best:

    Why did the first koala fall out of the tree?
    Because it was dead

    Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
    It was holding onto the first koala

    Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
    Peer pressure

    Why did the kangaroo die?
    Because 3 koalas fell on it.

  4. Also:
    What has 4 legs, is brown and green & can kill you if it falls out of a tree?
    A billiard table.

  5. Richard, you are the master of timing.

    The billiard table has the merit of being my favourite so far, although the parity error one made the geeky boy side of me laugh.

    Here is a maths joke for those that way inclined:

    A maths professor walks into a bar (yes, Richard) with his dog and his cat, but the barman says “Sorry you can’t bring pets in.”

    “No, no,” replies the mathematician. “These aren’t animals… they are knot theorists.”

    “Go on then,” says the barkeep. “You,” (pointing at the dog). “Name a knot invariant.”

    “Arf, arf,” says the dog.

    “Hmph,” says the barman. “Alright then. Cat, name a topological invariant.”

    “Mu, mu,” mews the cat.

    “Rubbish,” says the barman. “Now get out!”

    They get outside, and the dog turns to the mathematician and says, “Do you think I should have said the Jones Polynomial?”

    Alternatively:

    A baby seal walks into a club.

    if you like tasteless, or:

    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Two, one to hold the giraffe and another to fill the wheelbarrow with brightly-coloured machine tools.

    if you like surreal.

    Please carry on with yours, I insist.

  6. Another maths joke.

    So … it’s some time after the creation of the world, and Adam is walking through the garden of Eden one day, looking at all the lovely animals. He notices that all of the animals have babies except for the snakes.
    He questions them about it, and the daddy snake (or male snake at the moment) says “Could you please cut down a couple of those trees over there?”
    Adam obliges the snake.
    Some time later Adam is once again walking through the garden and comes upon the snakes with new-born children.
    “Why couldn’t you have babies before?” he asks the daddy snake.

    The daddy snake replies “We’re adders … we need logs to multiply!”

  7. See, that’s the greatest maths joke ever told in the history of Maths ever.

    Suddenly, the Evil Trigonometry joke doesn’t seem so bad, now does it?

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