It’s a conspiracy I tell you. I haven’t decided how exactly yet. Maybe I will leave it to that master of conspiracies, Stephen, to work out the finer details.
I will call it The Great Scandinavian Conspiracy. Yes, with capitals.
What they do (the Scandinavians) is enslave you as a child by getting you addicted to Lego. I don’t know if this is just boys, but I suspect not from my recent researches (with Rebecca Juliet).
Then they unleash Ikea on you as a young adult (when you can’t afford to buy proper furniture). Ikea is exactly the same as Lego, but bigger, and more likely to make you hit your thumb with a hammer. This in turn is more likely to make you accidentally say “fuck” in front of your mother.
Then you eventually have children, and you buy Lego for them, and having kids means you can probably only afford Ikea then too, and the whole sickening cycle goes on and on forever.
What I can’t quite work out is why the Evil Scandinavians do this. But when Denmark and Sweden rival China and India in the future as the dominant world economies, you will mark these words. Mark them, I tell you!
[manic laughter to fade]