Faking a young person’s railcard

By far the most common way of finding this blog (other than by following a link I had left or coming here after being told about it by me) is searching in google for “I want to fake a young person’s railcard” or similar.

This is because of this post where I lament losing my youth, cleverly using the railcard as a metaphor. You should go back and read it now, I can wait.

Done?

Here is my advice for people coming here to find out how to fake a young person’s railcard:

1. You are over 25. You are a skank. Go and get a job and pay full fare for your railway journeys like a proper functioning member of society. If you think it is too expensive, get the bus, or buy a car. (Warning: these are also expensive.) Sometimes if you want something you have to pay for it, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

2. You are between 18 and 25. You are a skank. Go and buy a real young person’s railcard. It’s, what, twenty quid? It will literally pay for itself. If you think twenty pounds is too expensive, get the bus, or buy a car. (Warning: these are also expensive.) Sometimes if you want something you have to pay for it, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

3. You are under 18 and want a fake ID to buy beer. Yes, okay, this is fair enough, but I suspect it isn’t a valid form of ID for any legitimate watering hole. (Although really, if you are under 18 you won’t be anywhere legitimate anyway. Just ask for a beer and see if they give it to you.) Alternatively, speak to my mate Barry – he can get you a passport but we’ll have to give you an eastern European-sounding name.

For those who are still too tight, even after reading those pearls of wisdom, I don’t know how to fake a railcard. Sorry. Maybe you could just hide in the toilet one journey out of three and make the saving manually?

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